For the first time in my life, I attended a comic book convention. I had a grand time cruising Artist’s Alley, doing a bunch of shopping, and, surprisingly, learned a lot about life.
I learned that some people are very free with letting strange men hold their stuff.
I learned that making eye-contact with flamboyantly dressed men for an extended period of time is fairly uncomfortable.
Pearl, from Steven Universe
I learned that people who carry spears are usually eager to use them.
Tonberry, from Final Fantasy
The same holds true for knives.
I learned that you always win when you side with love and justice.
Steampunk Finn, from Adventure Time
I learned that selfies don’t always capture the pertinent part of a picture, like a really cool steampunk arm.
Genderswapped Midna, from Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
I learned that asking a costumed individual to behave “in character” sometimes leads to unpleasantness.
I learned that I should, like, do some sit-ups or something.
I learned that necks are surprisingly durable for how sensitive they are.
Kiki, from Kiki’s Delivery Service
I learned that teenage girls hanging out with their dads are far more approachable now than they were when I was sixteen.
Scott Pilgrim, from Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
I learned that you don’t hit on another guy’s girlfriend…
Ramona Flowers, from Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World
…cuz she might hit you back.
Glinda the Good Witch, from The Wizard of Oz
I learned that giddiness does not become me.
I learned that it’s surprisingly difficult to look feral.
Bee, from Bee and Puppycat
I learned that people in obscure costumes get really excited when other people recognize them.
Genderswapped Gambit, from X-Men
I learned that you should never trust anyone who carries around their own deck of cards.
Seriously, they get so excited when you can tell them who their character is. It’s crazy.
I learned that I’m, in fact, super old.
Skull Kid, from The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask
I learned that it’s very difficult to mimic a facial expression for a face that doesn’t have a mouth.
I learned that a good laundry facility is important.
Bane, from The Dark Knight Rises
I learned that mphhhm hmmm ph hmm mphhhm mph hmmmph will be very painful… for you!
Sadness, from Inside Out
I learned that it’s surprisingly difficult to be grumpy in a room full of costumed nerds.
I learned that it is super hard to keep your eyes open while balancing on one foot for a picture.
Chun-Li, from Street Fighter
I learned that when you ask a video game character for a picture, you deserve what you get.
Him, from Powerpuff Girls
I learned that ANYONE who can manage to walk more than a few steps in six-inch heels should be applauded, period.
Honey Lemon, from Big Hero 6
I learned that love at first sight really does exist… but the object of your affection already has a boyfriend, so leave her alone or she’ll call the police on you.
Dr. Robotnik, from Sonic the Hedgehog
Okay, I didn’t learn anything from this guy, but dang if that costume isn’t amazing!
Genderswapped Juggernaut, from X-Men
I learned that skinny teenage girls can still wreck your business up.
Samus Aran, from Metroid
I learned that I will never put the hours into costume building needed to ever look this awesome.
Princess Merida, from Brave
I learned that sometimes you have to run into the same amazing costume, like, a half dozen times before you finally manage to get a picture with them.
Genderswapped Pyramid Head, from Silent Hill
I learned that parents obviously don’t know what’s up with the video games their children play. Either that, or this girl has terrible parents.