So I’ve got a friend who works for the Humane Society, and she told me about this little guy, who’s been in the shelter for seven months and is in danger of being put down. She knew I was looking for a cat and asked if I’d be willing to adopt. So, yeah, here’s my new roommate.

His name is Meow Meows.

I never met his previous owners, but judging from how they named him, I have no choice but to assume they are terrible people.

Ironically, Meow Meows doesn’t really even meow much. He’s just got this weak little voice, barely a hiccup of a meow. I bet he was, like, a monk in a previous life. Or maybe Teller.

I’m only fostering Meow Meows for now. If he likes the place, I’ll go ahead and adopt him. And when I do, I’m changing his name, cuz that name is the worst.

Some names I’m considering:

• Mjolnir
• Ernest Hemingway
• Trogdor
• Stormaggedon
• Jelly Beans
• Nyarlothep
• The Dashing Captain Whiskers
• Lucky, the Pizza Dog
• Kevin

Whatever his name winds up being is largely irrelevant, cuz I’m just gonna call him “kitty” most of the time. However, if I ever use the term “fur baby,” feel free to slap me in the face.